The other day, someone told me about a minister in New Thought who would talk about our power to manifest our lives and create our reality. They would then stand up in the pulpit, look out over the congregation, and say "So, why are you still fat?"
No offense, but What The F*ck???? Actually, you know what? A little offense.
I am here to dispel some of the myths about our ability to manifest our lives AND being fat. Two things that, quite frankly, I know a lot about.
If you don't believe me, let me give you some background. I learned that we are in control of our reality when I was 18. I found this idea of the Law of Attraction through "What the Bleep Do We Know?" and "The Secret" and completely ran with it. I made vision boards, set to work forgiving the trauma in my life, and moved away to begin my dream life that I would be creating from the ground up. From there, I entered Unity where I took all of the classes and did all of the work. I then moved on to Science of Mind, where I quickly began my journey into becoming a licensed practitioner and then minister. As of last year, I have been in this teaching for more than half my life (fireworks, right?)
As for being fat? I was 10 pounds when I was born. My mom said that when she would lay me on my back my cheeks were so chubby they would roll up over my eyes. An exaggeration from a doting parent? Perhaps... I was a really cute baby. I have been fat since the day I was born. I was fat in my favorite bathing suit when I was 4. I was fat when I entered grade school. I was fat when I played soccer, and played with friends, and grew up in the woods of WNC. I was fat in middle school, fat in high school, fat when I had my first kiss, fat when I graduated, fat on vacation, fat after I found the Law of Attraction, fat while pregnant, and remain fat to this day. I know a lot about being fat.
So, now that my credentials are out of the way, let's unpack fatness in New Thought. Frankly, there is a lot to unpack.
First of all, let's talk about this idea that we create our reality. I know, I am diving right in with the big stuff. Do we create our reality? Yes. Do we single-handedly create every single thing that happens in the entire world, even the parts that we can see or that affect us? Absolutely not. We have seriously over-exaggerated this whole "thoughts become things" thing.
I was taught that the Universe is like a genie, you put in a wish through your thinking, and out pops whatever it is that you have wished for. Do you want a new car? Place your order with the Universeâ„¢ and out pops a car! Need more money to pay your bills? Just throw those last $5 in your wallet into the offering plate and the Universeâ„¢ will make you rich beyond your wildest imaginings! It didn't work? What's in your consciousness? It. Is not. This simple. I am going to say it again for the people in the back. IT DOESN'T WORK THIS WAY. This is a massive oversimplification of something that, quite frankly, we don't fully understand.
Our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, emotions, subconscious, past experiences, childhood upbringing, culture, genetics, ancestors, collective consciousness, and who knows what else CO-creates reality with everyone else's thoughts, feelings, beliefs, emotions, subconscious, past experiences, childhood upbringing, culture, genetics, ancestors, collective consciousness, and who knows what else AND the Allness of everything that we sometimes call God, the Universe, or, as Ernest Holmes (the founder of Science of Mind) liked to say, the Thing Itself. We don't create in a vacuum. The totality of life is creating the totality of life. There is a lot that we don't have control over.
Take a deep breath. That can be hard to take in. Because if there is a lot that we don't have control over, then that means that something awful could happen to us at any moment! Yup, that's exactly what I am saying. It is a lot easier to think that we are in complete control of our lives, because then we don't have to worry about something bad happening to us. In fact, the very act of worrying about something bad happening means that you are creating it... so you better be careful with that whole worry thing! And when something bad happens to someone else? The first thing we want to think is, "Well, they must have created that. It couldn't possibly happen to me." It is easier to blame those around us for their challenges than it is to admit that we really don't have as much control over the things that happen to us as we like to think. We are not in control of how everyone else chooses to live their lives. Not in control of the weather (I'd like to give a shout-out to whatever was in control of it not raining for my beach wedding with no backup plan last year). Not in control of every cellular process in our body. Not in control of what they choose to show on TV.
Take another breath. I can practically feel your horror from here. So, what are we in control of? Don't worry, there is a lot you can control (see what I did there? Don't worry? Get it?) We are in control of our thinking (at least the 5% of it that is conscious). We are in control of our perceptions, reactions, responses, perspectives, actions, habits, words, choices, behaviors, and decisions. We are also in control (with more work and intention) of at least part of our subconscious, healing the past, no longer operating from said past, letting go of our culture, upbringing, old beliefs, and a whole slew of other things. Just working on the things we can control will take a lifetime of mastery, so you have a lot to work with and accomplish.
So now, let's look at being fat. I am not in control of my ancestors' choices, my body type, my mother's decisions when I was in her womb, how I was fed as a child, the relative nutritional value of foods today versus 50 years ago, anything that happened in the past, a whole slew of other things, and my defended weight. Did you know that your body has a weight set-point that it will defend as hard as it can and return to given every opportunity if it is forced outside of it for some reason? Yup, you read that correctly. That is why less than 5% of people who lose weight keep it off for more than 3 years. Because in order to stay at that smaller size we have to fight tooth and nail every moment of every day AGAINST our body's natural desire to be a certain weight. Sounds like a lot of work to me. That defended weight, as it is called, will change over time. Every time we mess with our metabolism through yo-yo dieting and restricting our food intake our body fears we are starving and ups that defended weight to counteract what it assumes must be a country-wide famine. That is why every time we gain the weight back we tend to gain more than we lost in the first place. That defended weight also tends to go up as we age. The amount that it increases depends on the individual, but in general you aren't meant to have the same body at 45 that you had at 20. And there is nothing wrong with leaning into and loving the natural aging process.
In addition, we are now learning (yay science!) that being fat not only isn't the death sentence we think it is, but actually can help in serious injury and illness like car accidents, cancer, strokes, and more. All of those studies on fat people being more susceptible to death by everything known to humanity? They were done on fat people who were yo-yo dieting and constantly trying to lose weight. It turns out that is far more dangerous to our health than just being fat. Once scientists started doing studies on people who were fat and not dieting but rather live a decently healthy life (think green smoothies and cake, bread and grilled chicken, moderate exercise most days with some all day netflix binges) are actually at no more risk for all of those life-threatening illnesses and in some cases are even more likely to survive them if they occur. In fact, studies are now showing that being even slightly "underweight" puts you at twice the risk of life-threatening illness as being "obese".
So let's go back to that original question asked by that seriously wrong minister. Why am I still fat? Because that's the way my body is. My follow up question to them would be, "At what age should I have started dieting?" Teens? (Been there, done that. I'm pretty sure I ate a combined total of 100g of carbs my entire senior year of High School thanks to the Atkins diet.) Tweens? (my grandmother started taking me to weight-watchers with her at age 9.) Kindergarten? (I was the kid in school that always had the "healthy" lunch... much to my dismay. I would have traded my turkey on wheat bread for a lunchables any day.) Straight out of the womb? (Should my mom have ignored my cries of hunger to attempt to force my tiny -well, not so tiny- baby body into the skinny mold?)
I am still fat because I have better things to do with my life than fight against the nature of my body every moment of every day for the rest of my life.
I am still fat because when I learned that I am in control of my life I decided there were more important things to change than the amount of space my physical body takes up in the world.
I am still fat because I think that changing the framework of our society which tells me and people like me every day that we are bad for existing is more important than changing my personal body so that people don't tell me that anymore while others are still harmed by these systems of oppression.
I am still fat because I know that BMI was a racist tool put in place by a mathematician to attempt to prove that white people were healthier than black folx and therefore I refuse to take any stock in it whatsoever.
I am still fat because I think that supporting my body with choices that work for me surrounding food and exercise is more important than restricting calories.
I am still fat because the "weight loss treatments" that are out there are way scarier than just letting my body exist the way it is. (Seriously, we think it is better to mutilate a perfectly healthy stomach causing a slew of medical issues for the rest of someone's life in the hope that they will force their body to be smaller than it is to just be fat.)
I am still fat because I really like ice cream and giving it up just means that I think about it all day every day... actually, I take that back. I refuse to give up ice cream forever.
I am still fat because I am. Period. Being fat is not a moral failing. It has nothing to do with my ability to use New Thought teachings in my life to make my life the best it can be. It is no indication of my health, my ability, or my willpower. It is, honestly, one of the more boring aspects of who I am. And quite frankly, I am sick of having to defend my body to people who are a part of a philosophy that is supposed be so cutting edge yet buys into the cultural myths around so many things, including body size. But that's a blog for another day.