Approval is a tricky sort of thing. We are raised to seek out the approval of the people around us. Our parents teach us how to behave and approve or disapprove of our actions. Our teachers also have expectations about how we show up and there are consequences to their approval and disapproval - both negative and positive. We quickly learn on the playground how to play with other children so that they will want us in their friend group, and approval turns into a messy hierarchy of popularity that lasts well into middle school, high school and beyond.
Yet something we rarely talk about is our own approval. We spend so much time looking for the approval of others - our family, friends, coworkers, bosses, even acquaintances and strangers that we don't really stop to think about whether we approve of our own behavior. Our self-approval, despite being the most important, is often last on the list of things to worry about.
When I was younger, I took every opportunity to reshape myself into the person I thought I wanted to be. With every move, school change, new job, college attempt, new year, new spiritual home, self-help book, or new hobby I spent hours devising a plan to be the perfect version of myself "this time." I would be happier, thinner, quieter, more peaceful, more popular, less weird, less nerdy, more organized, and definitely prettier. Yet after only a few days, weeks, or at most a couple months I slipped back into the old version of myself.
It took me a really long time to realize that I needed to stop focusing on what I thought I should be based on the world's approval and instead discover my own values, desires, dreams, and self and then become the best version of who I already was. Thank God I did eventually figure out that my own approval is more important than the world's, because I have a much better chance of achieving success when my own approval is at the heart of it.
I think Mel White sums it up pretty well, "A few years ago I switched to an entirely different kind of New Year's resolution. Instead of vowing to improve, I pledge to do a better job of accepting my bad habits - to stop worrying about failing to be the person I used to imagine I could be." This is my every day resolution, not just at the new year. I have decided to sink further into the awesome person that I am and continue to discover myself. In so doing, I am showing up authentically, in integrity, and with my own approval. Something that is utterly priceless.
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